Learn the Lingo

The lingo.  The jargon.  The nomenclature.  Seems like every group of guys has their own dictionary of words, phrases and coded language that is specific to them, and you’d better learn it if you don’t want to feel like an outsider.

Try this sentence:

“Something just gave a  how’s your father to your hell rod, you better grab it off the guthrie stick and give it a brent burns because I think newman is giving you a mouth party, and do it quick because a couple of gussucks are coming.

To make sense of this and more, read on.

Guthrie

This was from my grandpa, Phred.  It was used to refer to another fisherman in a derogatory way, probably one whose fishing skills are suspect.  “Look at that guthrie, doesn’t he know there are no fish there?”  Classic moves that would identify someone as a guthrie include using a spinning reel upside down, using a Zebco reel, not changing the water in your minnow bucket, fishing where there is zero chance of catching anything.

All of our fishing was done at popular shore fishing spots where you are likely to interact with other anglers.  When I think back on some of the locations and tactics we used, we may have been the biggest guthries of all.

When asked about the origin of the word, Phred never really had a good answer, only that someone he had known many years before had used the phrase.  It should also be pointed out that Phred’s real name was Ray.  He would refer to all males as Fred, including a two-year-old me.  I started calling him Fred back, and it stuck.  For reasons unknown to me, the “Ph” spelling was used 100% of the time.

We still use this phrase.  Guthrie can be broken down into several sub categories such as Gussuck [see below], dipshit, jabroni, or fucking asshole depending on the situation.

Guthrie Stick

Bank angler’s version of a rod holder.  At is simplest it is a forked stick.  And this is fishing at its simplest—walk down to the riverbank.  Bait up with a nightcrawler.  Cast it out.  Prop up your rod on a guthrie stick.  Wait for a bite.   

Sometimes fresh cut, sometimes pulled from a pile of driftwood.  In recent years we have taken to using store-bought models [about $4 at Fleet Farm] that can be adjusted for height. Often used by persons that would be referred to as guthries.  Phred would never admit that we were guthries, yet why did we employ guthrie sticks so often?

I sometimes see Jeremy Wade using Guthrie Sticks while in pursuit of a “Rivah Mahnstah”, so maybe a name change is in order.

Gussuck

This comes from Alaska, it was understood by us fish guides that this is the Native word for “white man”. Research shows that it is indeed accurate, possibly a variation of “Cossack”.  We would often refer to each other as “gussuck”, and back home became a word used to refer to any random person, not necessarily in a negative connotation.  A gussuck isn’t necessarily a guthrie, but a guthrie is probably a gussuck.  Make sense?

Mouth or Snagged

I’m steelhead fishing on the Root River in Racine, early 90’s.  I hooked a fish right by a foot bridge, and I immediately hear a voice above and behind me say “mouth or snagged?”  It should be said that in a place like 1990’s Root River there are so many fish around that it is inevitable that you will snag, or “foul-hook” a fish once in a while.  This means the fish did not bite your fly but somehow ended up getting a hook stuck in a fin or other body

part.  It is not legal to keep a snagged fish, so my new friend on the bridge was probably just hoping for me that it was hooked in the mouth.  I shouted back up at the guy “I’m pretty sure it’s a biter!”  I wasn’t keeping any fish no matter what, but I was at least trying to be friendly.  He said again “mouth or snagged?” “Mouth!” I responded.  “Mouth or snagged?” he repeated.  Now I’m annoyed, and I take my attention away from the hooked fish to check this guy out. I quickly realize this guy is sort of like a cross between Rain Man and Forrest Gump, and he is now walking across the bridge away from me, still saying “mouth or snagged, mouth or snagged” over and over in a sing-songy voice that I can hear to this day.

From then on we used the phrase “mouth or snagged” to refer to any slow individual we may encounter in our travels—“That guy behind the counter has a little bit of “mouth or snagged” going on.

Milk Man

We’re trout fishing on the Whitewater River.  It is wintertime, late 1980’s, perhaps the first year that Minnesota had a winter trout fishing season.  Gunnar and I hadn’t fished much together yet, and he was still pretty new to trout fishing.  At some point he was getting frustrated by something and said something to the effect of “For all the good I’m doing here I should have stayed home and fucked the milkman”.  What?  OK Gunnar whatever you say.  A bit later I walk up to where he was untangling his line from a streamside bush.  As I passed by to hit the next riffle upstream I said, “Say hi to the milk man for me”.  And just like that we had a new saying.  We came to use the milk man sort of like our version of the Domino’s Pizza “Noid”—an evil specter who was always looking for an opportunity to screw things up for us.  If we had a bad trip, we would say something like, “Wow the milk man was in full force this time.”  We’re older and wiser now, and have mostly figured out how to leave the milk man behind.

Gunnar Grip

Pity the fish that gets caught in the Gunnar Grip.  With precision and just the right amount of force, who needs a net when you have the Gunnar Grip!  Famously came into play when he tailed a giant Kispiox steelhead for me.  More frequently used on small, unfortunate pike often encountered while bass fishing.

How’s Your Father

Originally a line from Austin Powers, Man of Mystery where he says “I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a “how’s-your-father”.

This became sort of a catch-all for whenever something needs attention or adjustment, as in “I think the campfire could use a little how’s-your-father”, or when you are getting a bite, as in “something just gave my bait a how’s your father”.

Brent Burns

Brent Burns was a player for the Minnesota Wild.  Tall and gangly, he was a fan favorite, definitely one of my favorite players.  He played with a lot of heart and enthusiasm.  And a big slap shot that he wasn’t afraid to use from the blue line.  It would sometimes seem like the slap shot came out of nowhere.  When in doubt, shoot the puck at the net is a good rule of thumb for hockey, and Number 8 was a big fan of this rule. It should be noted that he had the hardest slap shot during the skills competition at the NHL All-Star Game in 2011.

Somehow I made the connection of a Brent Burns slap shot to a big hookset while bass fishing.  Most of the time when a bass bites you know it.  Other times the bite can be subtle.  You’re working your bait through deep weeds… It that a fish?  Did I feel a peck? Am I just dragging weeds?  What is going on?   Is this a fish?  Skip all that, when in doubt, set the hook hard, like a mofo. 

“What was that all about?” Gunnar might ask after I do a particularly violent hookset not resulting in a fish.  I shrug and say “Brent Burns”.

I’m the captain for my daughter’s bass fishing team, and on tournament days I spend most of my time watching their rod tips for bites.  I have tried to explain this premise to them.  Not sure if they really understand it, but they do know if I yell “BRENT BURNS!!!” that they better set the hook like they mean it.

Mouth Party

From the great film “Borat! Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”.  Borat enjoys sexy time, especially if it is a mouth party with his favorite American, Pam-ella. Anytime we miss a suspected bite, we will confirm that there indeed was a “mouth party”; in other words, a fish had the bait in its mouth, it wasn’t weeds, and we just missed on the hookset.  Like when a “Brent Burns” does not result in a hooked fish.

Five Dollar Pontoon

One of the most consistent ways of catching largemouth is casting around and under boat docks.  We do it often enough, mostly in tournaments, but my daughters like fishing this way too.  You should see how good my girls can skip a plastic worm under a dock.  Most docks have a pontoon boat tied up to it, and getting a cast or two under the pontoon is mandatory.  Usually the dock owner pulls their pontoon in forwards, with the bow facing shore.  This mooring arrangement requires precision casting: you have to hit the space in between the outboard and the actual pontoon.  This is generally not a problem, but we always look forward to the rare pontoon owner who is thoughtful enough to back his pontoon in to the dock.  In this situation you have the whole front of the pontoon to cast under.  After pulling a couple of nice bass out from under a dock parked this way, I remarked that we should thank the pontoon owner by taping a five dollar bill to it.  Even if we don’t set out to fish docks, if we see a Five Dollar Pontoon it is hard to resist sliding up there to skip a couple under.

Gunnar Dock

We’re working along a line of docks and the next one in line is short; like one straight, 8-foot section, no boat tied to it, and the end of it is less than a foot deep.  I kick the bow mount into “high” to blow past this waster of my time.  Gunnar makes a Hail Mary cast as were flying by, and of course lands his jig three inches away from the dock where it is immediately eaten by a four-pounder.  To this day I still don’t bother casting at a Gunnar dock, when out with my daughters they know this and will say something like “You sure you don’t want me to make a cast at that Gunnar Dock?”

Herman Muster Feet

Fresh fallen snow with temperatures above freezing can result in an interesting situation if you are wearing felt soled wading shoes.  Each step can add a layer of snow to the felt, reminiscent of Herman’s big boots. Makes for awkward walking and comedy on the trail.

Long Face

The classic joke about a horse walking into a bar was popularized by a bit on a local radio station in the 90’s.  In the bit, obnoxious but funny local radio personality “The Chucker” interviewed comedy legend Buddy Hacket.  The punchline from the joke, “Why the long face?” was adopted as one way to address the many northern pike we catch in our outings.

Newman

Another name for pike.  From Seinfeld, as in “Hello, Newman”.  This was Jerry’s greeting for his sworn enemy.  Jerry would try to be civil when Newman showed up at his door, but you can hear the contempt in his voice when he greets his portly neighbor with “Hello, Newman.”  I treated pike with something between tolerance and amusement until I started fishing bass tournaments.  Get bit off 3 times in a row by pike and the hatred will build.  “Why the long face?” turns into “Hello Newman” with a side helping of Gunnar Grip on days when the pike won’t leave us alone.  Also acceptable to use when you do get bit off…make a fist and say in a hushed shout, “Newman!” 

Hell Rod/Hell Fishing

It started with one of my first “custom” rods.  I built it in my apartment when I lived in Brainerd.  I was proud of it at the time, but it was really a piece of shit.  I still have it and it hasn’t gotten any better with age.  Shitty 1980s fly rod blank from 3M, and shitty craftsmanship combined to be what Gunnar one day referred to as a “rod from hell”.  I initially intended it to be a fly rod/steelhead rod, but it soon was relegated to strictly “hell fishing” detail. 

At its core, Hell fishing is still fishing with crawlers on a river.  But to really get into the spirit of it you can’t be using a plain old spinning rod.  You best have a spinning reel mounted to a fly rod, preferably one that is of limited usefulness otherwise.  We catch all kinds of fish doing this, mostly redhorse, carp, and channel cats, but we get smallmouth and walleyes too.  We cast about 99 % of the time on the river, Hell Fishing makes for a nice break in the day. 

If you’re going to be on the water with me, best study up if you want to understand the nonsense.

Other phrases for another time…

Ridge Runner

Pressure bite

Sinker bite

Seven footer

Should we have caught one by now?

I got a pick up

Hey Dan

Chin Music